this is the thirteenth piece in my "rap diary". i wrote this back in april, recently discovered it and thought it needed to finally be recorded and out there in the world. today was one of those days... it wasn't the best, but it also wasn't the worst. (writing is my own) monologue: It was the greatest love story of all my time, so far. But it felt too good to be true, and it was. And now i’m left with a broken heart, everything feels meaningless because his words, his charming charming words, were so… believable. This is what a broken heart feels like… your stomach drops, your heart pounds and you start to feel every emotion take over your body… anger, sadness, confusion. You start to question everything. Was it all real? Are they hurting, feeling as much as i am? And then your thoughts and emotions stop. And you feel numb. You’re stunned. And then when your thoughts come rushing back, and you start to feel again, you feel disappointment.. In yourself. You think to yourself, what could you say, say something, what could you do, what could you have done differently? And you fight with yourself. Why did you do that? Say that? If you just kept your mouth shut, would it have all turned out differently? Until you realize it had been building for a while now and there’s nothing you can do about it. You’re in denial and you’re desperate. Desperate for your happiness, you want your happiness back! You feel worthless and you think no one is ever going to make you feel like they did. The memories you made, the plans for the future, the happiness that filled every bone in your body, the intensity, all of it… gone. It’s just you now, alone and in this moment you feel like it’ll be this way forever. You try eating but food doesn’t have any taste. You cry over the smallest things because everything will remind you of what you lost. You try to live day to day but you start sobbing out of the blue, the slightest things set you off. And then, you get bitter. So bitter that even the thought of their name makes your skin crawl and you just want it out of your head you don’t want it there anymore you just want it out you want it to go away. But you can’t shake that feeling of loss and betrayl. Eventually time passes and you’ve done your best to stay away from everything that reminds you of them. And eventually you think you’re ok but inside you’re still fucked up, still wounded, still hurt. You miss them, you do. But you know you deserve better, so you distract yourself. You bury yourself.. In work, in eating healthier.. In things you can CONTROL. That’s what it’s all about, CONTROL. And just when you think you’re not ever going to be capable of loving again, somebody comes unexpectedly and makes your heart smile again. The grey over your head goes away and laughter finds a way to creep back in and soon enough the heart pulls itself back together again. THANKS FOR WATCHING:) ---------------------------------------- SOUNDCLOUD: https://soundcloud.com/user-936099872/heartbreak-hope YOUNOW: https://www.younow.com/eviewhy TWITTER: https://twitter.com/evieyannakidis INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/eviewhy/ MUSICAL.LY: eviewhy SNAPCHAT: eviewhy STAY POSITIVE! xoxo, Evie
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